This isn’t going to work out

8 Nov

We walk up the driveway, me hiking my little pink cowgirl up higher on my hip and her clutching her pumpkin pail in her chubby little fist. I feel her other hand grasping the back of my shirt as she takes in all the ghosts and goblins and ghouls scurrying around us in the dark.

She whispers “Mama?” and I kiss the top of her head, saying “It’s okay, baby. Those are just costumes.”

We make it to the front porch, which is decorated with leaves and pumpkins. A very kind-looking grandmotherly woman opens the door and smiles big at all the kids yelling “Trick or treat!”  

As she’s passing out candy, she’s commenting on costumes and talking about how cute the kids are. I get the feeling she’s enjoying all the commotion in what is likely a typically quiet house.

The last little one jumps off the porch, leaving me and my pink cowgirl, who doesn’t want me to put her down.

“Put out your basket, baby.”

Her chubby arm reaches toward the woman and she puts her head down on my chest and looks at the woman from beneath her long lashes, which is her typical “I’m feeling shy” move.

The woman’s smile falters for a moment.

“Well.” she says in that haughty, huffy way only crotchety old ladies can.

She reaches into her bowl and drops candy into my cowgirl’s bucket.

“I just can’t believe you’re going to give that one year old candy. That’s all I have to say about that. And if you do, well, you deserve to pay for it!”

My smile falls from my face, and I hold back every nasty thing I want to say, which is this – 

“Really, you mean old woman? You think that because I’m letting my daughter trick or treat that I’m going to take her home, unwrap all the candy in this bucket and just let her go to town or serve her candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next three months? Even if I wanted to, it’s none of your business. SHE’S MY KID. Bitch.”

But I don’t saying anything. I don’t say thank you, I just turn around in disbelief and head back down her driveway.

Yeah, I knew right away that we weren’t going to be friendly neighbors.

This post was inspired by a prompt from Write on Edge:

I am sure we were all shocked and devastated by  the news of the divorce of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries after only 72 days of marriage.


But in the spirit of relationships that we all knew wouldn’t work, we’d like for you to write about one you knew was doomed from the start. It could be yours or a close friend or family member. Please don’t use a celebrity. Unless you were in a relationship with one. Then, by all means, spill!

Remember, this is memoir, so we don’t want to see fiction (that’s for Fridays). We also don’t want to see the phrase “I remember” since we already know it’s a memory.

Word limit will be 400. That means we don’t need every detail. Just give us the key moment(s).


11 Responses to “This isn’t going to work out”

  1. Wanderlust November 8, 2011 at 9:51 am #

    What a nasty woman! Doesn’t she know that the trick-or-treating babies and toddlers do is usually just for the fun of dressing up and walking around, and the candy is, um, for the parents. Duh!

  2. The M Half November 8, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    Oh my! Good for you for not saying what you wanted to and shame on her for being so nasty. Ack!

  3. Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments November 8, 2011 at 10:11 am #

    Wow! I wasn’t expecting that. What an awful start to trick-or-treating for your daughter. Hopefully you found some more friendly neighbours on your travels.

  4. Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger November 8, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    What an awful woman! If you’re going to be crochety, go live in an old folk’s home! Who the heck is mean like that in front of a little kid?

  5. lisa November 8, 2011 at 10:25 am #

    Bitch is right! What a horrible woman and to be stuck with her as a neighbor to boot! What parent doesn’t take their 1 year old trick-or-treating, to at least a few homes, just to let them have the fun experience! I’m just floored that someone would actually have the nerve. Though I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. It takes all kinds… Such a shame.


  6. mrsbear0309 November 8, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    Wow. Who does that? She should’ve turned out her lights and skipped the evening rather than be hateful. What a witch.

    Great descriptions.

  7. K November 8, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    Dang. That was kind of harsh and judgmental and just not very nice of her. Lordy.

  8. November 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    Ugh! She sounds like a Halloween-nazi (like the Soup-nazi) What a witch. Good for you for taking the higher ground. You are a better person than me, I would have have said something not so nice.

  9. Shannon W. November 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    I love how you’ve written this – full of hope and sweet memories for your little girl. And then … BAM! Like so many here, I don’t know that I would have had your grace, though sometimes shock looks like grace in that moment. Love your writing!

  10. Angela Noelle November 8, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    Ew! Sounds like someone didn’t have to dress up to be a witch on Halloween :/

  11. angela November 9, 2011 at 7:32 am #

    How awful! I try to remember that old people seem to lose their filters along with their glasses, but it can be difficult when they’re being so judgemental, especially about kids 😦

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