Just do it

15 Nov

“What do you want to do? You keep talking about how  much you hate your job but you’re not doing anything about it.”

I look at him in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel, the other leaning on the console. So relaxed as he asks me what I want to do with the rest of my life. Which, as a 28-year-old mother of two, I should probably already know.

“I don’t know. I feel trapped. We can’t afford for me to not work, and I’ve applied for so many job and no one calls me back and I just don’t know.”

“What will make you happy?”

I turn away and look out the window into the darkness. Just tell him, I think to myself. But I’m scared to say the words out loud. I don’t know if I’m good enough. He might think I’m crazy.

“What do you want to do?” he asks, a little more forcefully this time and I can hear all of his frustration as he repeats those six words- he worries about the stress I’m under, he’s tired of this job making me short-tempered at home … he just wants me to be happy.

“The only thing I might be able to get paid to do that would make me happy is write.”

I take a deep breath.

“I want to write.”

“Then do it. You have to just do it, you can’t just keep talking about it. I’ll make whatever sacrifices I have to. But you can’t keep going like this.”

And for the next fifteen minutes I try to talk him out of it, try to explain all the ways I might fail. And he doesn’t care.

“Just do it.” he says, over and over like a Nike ad.

So I did. I am. I’m struggling, begging for work, and some days I want to give up. But I’m doing it.

This post was inspired by a prompt from Write on Edge:

Pivotal conversations. We’ve had ‘em.  The moment you chink the armor, or perhaps the moment you say something that you can’t take back. Conversations you review in your mind, for better or for worse.

Recreate a pivotal conversation with us this week. Remember, this is memoir. You can only record what was actually said. Save the bon mots and imagined snappy retorts for fiction.

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11 Responses to “Just do it”

  1. Sweaty November 15, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    You are very lucky to have a husband who wants you to be happy and fully supports your dreams. And bravo to you for making the brave decision to pursue your love for writing!

  2. Maija @ Maija's Mommy Moments November 15, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    It’s funny how sometimes we hesitate to tell our most desired goals to the ones who love us the most. I was also nervous about telling my husband I wanted to write… but when I did and now we speak openly about it he is my biggest fan and my greatest support.

    I am wishing you the best of luck and am in awe of your courage to go after your dreams.

  3. Kathleen Basi November 15, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    Pivotal for sure! Awesome on so many levels.

  4. Life of a Doctor's Wife November 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    He’s an amazing husband. But I am sure – SURE – he would say that those sacrifices, even the tough times as you get this writing thing moving, are so worth it. And I am so inspired by you – that you DID it.

  5. angela November 15, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Talk about a pivotal conversation! I’m so glad you have his support. It can be so difficult sometimes to talk about the things we really want, like we’re jinxing them.

  6. Galit Breen November 15, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Go you! I love how supportive he was and even more so- I love that you went for it!

    Admirable, inspiring. 🙂

  7. Nancy C November 15, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    I’ve had this conversation. I think our husbands share a brain. Men can be so practical, which can be the kick in the tail we need.

    I like the authentic back-and-forth here. Very relatable.

  8. Natalie @MamaTrack November 15, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    What a great story! And good luck to you. Wishing you all the best!

  9. themadgayman January 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    I had chills reading this. You are definitely talented, and you are definitely going to make it. Stay strong and continue going!

    • Kristina January 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      Thank you SO very much!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Oh Who I Want to Be « - January 9, 2012

    […] I’m not trying to say that is a bad thing – I don’t think it is. Many people are simply happy with their life – and that is great for them. They are thankful when good things happen unexpectedly, but they are simply content overall.  But what my risk-taking, always-striving husband has taught me is that sometimes, if you’re not happy, you have to just do something. […]

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