It doesn’t divide, it multiplies

29 Nov

When I got pregnant with my daughter, I knew, obviously, that I would love this new baby. I couldn’t wait to cuddle a newborn, to hear her soft coos and feel the tight grip of her little fingers around mine. I knew I would fall in love.

But I was concerned, as harsh as it sounds, that I wouldn’t love her in the same way as my son. Your first child introduces you to a limitless, all-consuming love, the likes of which you can never fully appreciate until you hold your first baby in your arms. I was (and still am, really) completely enchanted by my son (except for when he’s being snotty, then it’s not so much enchantment but an annoyance that he’s still cute even in the midst of a wild tantrum). I worried that with a second baby, it would be a little “old hat” – that the wonder and amazement would be tempered by the fact that I’d done it before. It seemed like there couldn’t possibly be enough room in my heart to feel the same way about another baby like I did my son.

I didn’t need to worry. My daughter enchanted me just as much as her brother. Her coos and cries and cuddles were all new to me – they were all hers.

So when held my both of my babies in my arms for the first time, even though I needed a shower and was recovering from surgery and my son was sitting on my IV line and it was tugging at the vein in my hand, I was completely and totally overwhelmed by how complete I felt.  I never knew she’d been missing, but there she was.

And no room had to be made. My daughter just moved right in and my heart exploded.

This post was inspired by a prompt from Write on Edge:

This week, I’m asking you to take us into the moment your favorite photograph of yourself was taken, to show us who you were then and what the photograph means–in 300 words.

 

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7 Responses to “It doesn’t divide, it multiplies”

  1. grace November 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    “i never knew she’d been missing” — That’s exactly how I feel about my five week old. Our family is now complete!

  2. Melanie @ M&M November 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

    I love the way you describe the immediacy of enough room. Motherhood in all it’s purity.

    Thanks for dropping by and commenting, but mostly for understanding.

  3. Jenn November 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

    This made me teary. Thanks for sharing such a precious moment!

  4. Shannon W. November 29, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    Amen – I had the same fear before my 2nd son was born. I could imagine how I could possibly love someone as much as I had/did his brother. And then … I did. I have never loved them the same – they are very distinct people, but I have loved them both immeasurably, even more so now that they are independent(ish) young men.

  5. Lisha November 30, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    I’ve often tried to describe how my heart opened up when my second child was born. You just did it for me. 🙂

  6. Life of a Doctor's Wife November 30, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    Oh this is so lovely! And what a great photo of the three of you!!

  7. K November 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

    That photo is so beautiful.

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