The Doorbell

9 Dec

The doorbell rang. Grace’s head snapped up from the computer screen and her stomach tightened. No one knew she was here, tucked away in this little rented townhouse which looked the same as the other 25 nondescript townhouses on the street.

Please just let it be a neighbor. 

On tiptoe, she looked through the peephole. It was Rob.

As if he could sense her on the other side, he said “Grace, please let me in. Please.”

How did he find me?

She stood there, watching him stamp his feet in the cold, and said nothing.

“Grace. I believe you. Please let me in.”

Still she said nothing. Just because he said he believed her didn’t mean it wasn’t a ploy to get her to open the door. She looked out the side window to see if there were familiar cars or an ambulance parked on the street, holding the people just waiting for her to open the door so they could rush in and haul her away.

“Fine. I understand why you don’t trust me. But I believe you, Grace. Do you remember when you were pregnant with Liam, and I got in that accident on the day after Thanksgiving? When that girl in a brand-new Mustang rear-ended my car because she was texting her boyfriend? Well, today is the day after Thanksgiving, and I got rear-ended by that same girl, at the same intersection, in the same Mustang, because she was texting her boyfriend. It’s going to snow tonight, isn’t it, Grace? And this new baby is going to be born on Christmas Eve, isn’t he?”

Heart pounding, Grace unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door. Rob stepped in and wrapped his arms around her, murmuring, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Outside, the snow began to fall.

This post was inspired by a prompt from Write on Edge:

This week we asked you to use the holiday season to inspire you to write a piece beginning with “The doorbell rang” and ending with “snow began to fall.”

 

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14 Responses to “The Doorbell”

  1. Lori Thatcher December 9, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Says so much in so few words and wraps it all up nicely. Kudos!

  2. Valerie December 9, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    This is really an excellent piece of writing, and the snow falling is the perfect backdrop! You are a writer with that rare gift of saying so much in so few words…well done!

  3. angela December 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    I like the tension of not knowing why she’s hiding, and then hearing everything unfold makes me wonder what’s going on! I feel better knowing she has someone with her who believes her story, though.

  4. betsy December 9, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    I was scared for her at first… and then Rob came in and relieved my fears! You put a lot of plot in very few words– nicely done!!

  5. Venus December 9, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    I’m glad that she’s got Rob. I can’t even imagine what’s going on in their world that would bring this about, but her fear is palpable and now I want to know more!

    Great job!

  6. Jennifer December 9, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

    The dialogue is excellent and natural. I thought maybe Rob didn’t believe it was his child that she was carrying, or he questioned it, so naturally she hid from him and didn’t want to see him.

  7. Kristy @PampersandPinot December 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm #

    How interesting! I want more of that!

  8. Carrie December 9, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    Oooh…it’s like time travel? Or just being able to see the future? Curious.

    I really enjoyed this, great tension, nice reveal. You sprinkled just enough breadcrumbs to make me want more 🙂

  9. Tina December 9, 2011 at 10:48 pm #

    The conversation, even the one in her head, felt natural. I enjoyed this, but it left me wanting more!

  10. Angela Noelle December 10, 2011 at 10:33 am #

    Ooooh, I like the vague creepiness here–definitely leaves me wanting to know more!!

  11. Cameron December 10, 2011 at 10:56 am #

    Way to cram a ton into a small space, and to do it without banging us over the head with plot-telling. And I’m very interested in where this will go.

  12. earlybird December 11, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    You really have got a huge amount of story – past and present in here. Well done.

  13. Life of a Doctor's Wife December 12, 2011 at 9:06 am #

    Every bit I read of this story makes me want to read more!

  14. Astra December 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Love it! So well written. I was captivated and then disappointed there was no more! Great job.

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